Confessions of a Serial Interviewer by Steve Ra Ga

It’s 4am today and I am going to write, I was just awoken do to some explosive bowl movements, luckily I made it to the washroom before the show began. Afterwards I began thinking about what I had eaten the evening before I slept. I had turkey and potatoes but it was many hours after so that wouldn’t have been food poisoning. My lady just return from Banff and had brought me candies that evening. I consumed a chocolate haystack- that could have been the culprit- I also consumed a bag of gluten free gummy bears. Just now I thought, let’s check the ingredients of the gummy bears. Low and behold on the package in small writing it says “may cause digestive issue and create a laxative effect.” WTF WHAT KIND OF GUMMY BEARS ARE THESE… serves me write for eating the whole bag in one sitting, well I am 30lbs lighter now, it’s one of those days where you can’t trust a fart… sorry I just had to share.

The pandemic did one really great thing. It forced people to clean public toilets. Restaurants were amazing, you never felt so happy going #2 in a washroom. When the restrictions lifted its as though all toilet life went back to normal…

Life used to be very stressful for me, I am a germaphobe. And when my friends wanted to go to the pub. I would always be worried about the state of the washroom. Most often a mens washroom (restroom for my American readers) typically would have paper towel over flowing the garbage, pee and water all over the floors and it was hit or miss with the toilets weather they would have a floater, clogged, barf /vomit in it. And washrooms most often got progressively worse as the evening would go on. If you just had to pee life was okay but if you had to shit you are better off going somewhere else the coming back to the bar.

It honestly didn’t matter where I was Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton, Toronto, Halifax, Vegas or anywhere in North America this was always an issue.

One time I was in Israel in the old city Jerusalem. We were staying in a hostel in the Muslim quarter. This place was old the ceilings were very low -and there was no railings on the stairs.

Our room was mixed with women and men. I was warned that in hostels people steal weird things, from underwear to toothbrushes. For me I had my scarf and a book stolen.

It was a hot day 52c and 100% humidity and I needed a shower. To my surprise the toilet looked great not too bad, the shower awesome. While showering I could hear someone banging on the door. When I went to leave the handle came off in my hands. I had to jimmy the door open. To find the other handle bit on the ground. I guess someone needed in so badly they ripped the door handle off.

While living in Vancouver I had the pleas of visiting Metropolis Town Mall, this mall happened to be in a densely populated area of Vancouver where Asian people lived. When you would use the washroom signage would be posted everywhere telling occupants telling people not to stand on the toilets.

In Asia people squat into holes in the ground to align their bowls in the perfect position to allow for an easy bowl movement. In the west we sit on toilets and often experience constipation.

The signs are to inform new people that standing on the toilet to squat might break the toilet or cause injuries when you fall off. Also people shitting on the toilet seat is gross.

What I found was hotels often have the best washrooms and no one will question you at the door you can just walk in to any hotel often and have yourself a great bowel movement in their well cleaned hotel.

Now this information is important because when apply for a job it’s best to have a look at their washrooms and it will tell you more about how they view their employees. If there is just one washroom for a lot of people they don’t care much, if it’s a Walmart size washroom they care about you a lot.

Like just visit a Walmart and compare that to a Safeway washroom.

Locks; have you like me found that restroom or washroom locks are different everywhere?

I hate when someone has busted the lock off the bathroom stall and you have to use your foot to keep it close while you poop. So much extra work.

Another lesson I have learned over the years is to always check how much toilet paper is in the stall before releasing your bowels. Nothing like needing a wipe with no one to ask.

I have always loved a lock that said Vacant in green and Occupied in Red, it’s typically a big dead bolt and clear as day to tell others you are in the toilet area… I thought of an even better design doors that change colours when you close them, the door turns red when you’re inside and green when you are not.

I think in Asia there are washrooms that are transparent when vacant and turn foggy when occupied. Seems everyone has there take on the warshroom / restroom concept.

In prison I hear there are no stall doors. But I wonder about how clean they area? Do the prisoners keep it clean?