Observations of a Serial Interviewer by Steven Ra Ga

I am Batman. Kinda.

So my parents house is on a bit of property that backs onto a nature park and at night the bats come out. Like lots and lots of bats come out.

And for years now they have had issues with Bats in the house. Most notably in 2019 I had to cup a bat on a curtain and put it outside.

But most recently shit got real.

In their basement there is a section over by an old fireplace where lots of droppings are located. For years now exterminators have come in thinking the poop is from mice and they often would spread bag of poison all over the place.

Upon my most recent investigation after a late night startled phone call, I would soon discover those droppings don’t belong to mice.

My mom called me just as I was going to bed around midnight, frantically asking if I could come over to get some bats out of her house. For me I wasn’t sure I believed her and she could have been over reacting.

She wasn’t.

When I arrived I was shocked.

Before arriving I left my apartment and ran into my neighbour.

He happened to be out late drinking with his lover I assumed.

When I informed him of my late night excursion he is partner of the night offered me a net for her car. Randomly she had a folded net in her vehicle.

With net in hand I wondered into the night to catch some bats.

When I arrived at my moms, she texted to say the door was unlocked.

I entered…

To my surprise there was a Bat flying in circles in her living room.

I immediately got to work.

I was afraid, trying to catch the bat, wasn’t easy. Catching a bat on a curtain is very easy but a flying bat, that’s a whole new skill.

I made many attempts.

Eventually I swung the net a little to hard, it stuck the bat and sent it hurling into the wall. Bam! It was dead on impact.

I thought perhaps it was just unconscious. Nope, it was dead.

When I saw it on the ground I started getting ready to figure out how to scoop it up without touching it.

When I looked up, shouldn’t have looked up.

I saw another bat sleeping on the wall.

I guess he didn’t know I just executed his buddy.

So, I thought the dead one isn’t going anywhere best, get the live one. My fist attempt failed, the bat fly around wildly.

Eventually I was able to catch it.

Like a game of lacrosse I caught the bat in the net.

Taking it outside, into the light I placed the net on the ground.

The bat started to crawl out like a horror film. One claw at a time, dragging its tiny legs behind it as it moved in stop motion across the dive way of her condo.

I went back to get the dead bat, using cardboard I was able to flip it into the net without touching it.

I placed it gently on my the neighbour’s lawn. since coyotes frequent the area, I assumed it would be gone by morning.

After coming back into the house, I felt like that was it for bats, I spent the rest of my time looking around to assure my mom she could go back to sleep.

6hrs of sleep later I woke to get yet another phone call, more bats are found at the house, before work started I made my way over to the house. No net this time as I hard returned it.

When I arrived two more bats where in the house.

Luckily I was able to use a plastic cup and cardboard to scoop one up, limiting my hand contact with the winged beasts of the night.

Once outside I walked into the woods and tossed the bat into the air, it plummeted to the ground.

Probably too tried to be flying in the hot sun of the day.

The second bat was on the wall, using the same technique this time the bat woke up. Angry it started to move about.

I had never seen a bat move like that.

Well to be fair seeing a bat move about in the cup that close. I was surprised to see it had teeth, well fangs on both he top and bottom of the mouth.

I thought these bats ate insects…

When I tossed this bat into the forest it fly up into the air, I thought for a moment it would head back to the condo and I could see how it was getting in.

It just circled back and landed in a tree.

Later that day I I went back to my moms chicken wire in toe and just sealed off every vent into the house. I figured it would prevent the bats from coming back into the home while we called a bat exterminator.

…

As time passed we discover that not only is there a large bat infestation there is a bat bug infestation, cousins to Bed Bugs this typically feast on bats.

They are going to have to fumigate the whole house to get rid of both of them.

Why so serious right….